I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
