I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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