So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
