she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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