You work out of a Hotel?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
