Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We smell like vodka and hangover
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