toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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