Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
