You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
