We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
