I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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