Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
