I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
