Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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