I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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