Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
