I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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