You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
me + whiskey = a bad person
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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