The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
