so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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