you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You need Xanax blowdarts
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
