Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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