it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
