Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
