the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
