my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
