i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this just has baby written all over it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
