We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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