feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
