I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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