Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
