I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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