glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The power of my boobs compel you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
