so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
