just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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