Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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