the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
