We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
