I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
