I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
