i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
