Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
