I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
