Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
