I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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