I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think your dad took our porno
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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