hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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