You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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