Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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