why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
