Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
