i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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