i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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